Friday Lunch

Hiiiiii my little gay babies!  It's ya Aunt Francine!   Uncle Frank felt it necessary to take a picture of my lunch tray from today, so I thought I'd share it with ya.  

The menu was grapes and uncooked squash, one hard boiled egg and three pieces of seven grain toast with a tiny garlic and herb laughing cow cheese byproduct.    Oh. My. God.    Do you know what we pay to stay at this place and THIS is what they serve us for lunch????? 

The eggs give us gas, no one can chew the uncooked squash and lemme tell you my little fagolahs......you haven't experienced pain until you get one of those damn tiny seeds off the bread under your dentures.  Yeah.   

 

Thank GAWD Shady Acres retirement villa is only an occasional destination!!!   I'd better go now...that egg gas is kicking in with Uncle Frank and I'd rather not be here when that erupts!! 

 

BYE Babies!!!  MUAH!

 

P.S.   Send Help

1929 Year Book Photograph

Hiiii Babies!   Look what came in the mail today!  It's ya Aunt Frannie all the way back from 1929!  Yeahhhh.   That wonderful Karen Valentine  clipped it from her high school year book when ya Aunt Frannie was a substitute teacher at Mildred Pierces School For Wayward Girls!    That Karen was such a card.   She was doing time in the 8th grade for smoking pot with Dawn Wells (Maryanne from Gilligans Island)...and boy was she a troublemaker!  Anyhoo, you know ya Aunt Frannie is only 5'2" but the librarian Doby Gillis thought it would be hilarious to perch me on a step stool in front of the required reading list for the year.  Oh my, I was afraid of heights back then.  Does it show?   I hope you're having a great day my little fagolahs!   (Uncle Frank sends his love!) Send help!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ernie & I at the Emmys!

Of course you know, my good friend Ernest Borgnine, with whom I had a menag-tois with back in the late 40s passed away not too long ago.    I found this photo yesterday while dusting Uncle Franks tea cup collection in our bedroom.  

Ya Uncle Frank never really liked Ernie, only because he was jealous, but I must say this is one of my favorite photos!  

Ernie's wife (I forget her name) came down with a terrible case of the mumps so I filled in for her as his escort for the evening.   Oh my, it was so glamorous!

The dress was borrowed from Elaine Schiffler of "Elaines Gowns and Stuff" located in the Paramus Mall in Hackinsac NJ.    I just love her stock, and my how handsome Ernest looks in his tuxedo! (Though I must say Uncle Frank is still the handsomest man I know)
  
We make a dashing couple don'tcha think?

                                                                                                                              (send help!)

My GOD They're Trying To Kill Us!

Hiiiiii Babies!  I was going to tweet this pic on twitter but then I remembered I have no idea how to twat.   HA!  Yes I stole that from Kathy Griffin, but who's gonna tell her?  Besides, she loves the fagolahs just like ya Aunt Frannie so she wouldn't care that I "borrowed" it, unlike Agnes Moorehead who never returned my Spanx!...But I digress (I blame that on the Zanax).

Anyhoo, most of you know that in addition to being the Head Mistress at Mildred Pierces School For Wayward Girls, and being on my nephew Geoffey's podcast, I sometimes take a break from all the glitz and glamour and retreat to my 'get away' apartment at Shady Hills Nursing Home.   

 

I've been suspicious of them for awhile now, but today everything was confirmed!  

See what they served us for lunch???????? 

 I can practically hear Uncle Franks arteries clogging as we speak!  

 

Send Help!!

 

 

 

Happy Valentines Day My Lil Fagolahs!

TV With My Nephew!

Hiiii my little fagolahs! It's ya Aunt Francine here babies!

I am SO excited! Partly because the new Polygrip is working wonders with Uncle Frank's new dentures, and the other part because my loveable Geoffey is coming over to watch the television with us tonight!

Geoffey said we were going to watch Rupal's Drag Race and while ya Aunt Frannie is not a fan of NASCAR, I am so excited to watch the program with him! He said we would vid eee oh tape what I thought of it, and then watch it on the betamax. I can't wait!

I do hope that lovely girl in the photo is one of the drivers, she seems sweet in a whoreish sort of way.

Don't forget Rupal's drag race is on logoonline.com and it's free to watch!

See ya wednesday!

Love,






(send help)

Postcard

Aiiiieeeeeeee

Geoffey sent this to me this morning and if I had dentures I'm sure they would have dropped out of my mouth and into my coffee.

Reminds me of a Lichtenstein....who I actually dated briefly during the summer of 1928! He had the hands of an artist, and the pores of a carney.

Monday's Lunch

Good afternoon my little fagolahs! It'sya Aunt Francine babies!

Ya Uncle Frank and I wanted to wish you the best start to feb ru rary of 2010! This is going to be a great year, I'm sure of it! Yeaaaah. Milton Forshenbaum told me 2010 was going to be a wonderful year because he could feel it in his bones! And since he still has most of the ones God gave him, I think he's right.

Don't laugh.....God works in mysterious ways. Yeaaaah.
Anyway, Milton whiped out his iPhone at lunch today and snapped a picture of what the considerate staff at Shady Hills served us. Today's lunch menu included cheese pizza, fruit coctail and for dessert strawberries with a sugar glaze and chocolate milk. I'm not exactly sure how this complies with the Federal Sr Citizens Nutrition Guidelines, but that's how it goes. You'll notice the milk is from the "Potomac" which is somewhat exotic don't you think?

Everyone seemed a little confused when they served us this lunch for two reasons. One, hardly any of the residents have their original teeth, so cheese pizza isn't a smart idea. And two, there were no utensils. Ever since Edna started pocketing the flatware it's hit and miss as to whether we go hungry, but no matter.....we'll survive!

Happy februrary my little gay babies!

Love,






(send help)

Lunch With Angie

Hi my little babies! It's ya Aunt Frannie!

I hope you all had a WONDERFUL couple o'hollydays recently and that all your dreams came true! Ya Uncle Frank and I had a wonderful time on our cruise to Cabo. The ship was huge and the food was delish and we had such delightful people to dine with every night!

I received this picture in the mail this morning from my dear friend Angela Lansbury. This was taken in march of 1974 outside the Russian Tea Room in New York City. Yeahhhh.

Of course we didn't eat there because Angie had her heart set on a free birthday meal at Dennys on 49th and Chindon. (This was before she hit the big time with that little show "Murder She Wrote" so she was strapped for cash.) While we were standing outside the Tea Room, the funniest thing happened. We ran into Don McClellan who as you know was the 'beard' for Barbara Stanwyck and her gal pal Jane Wyman for about a decade and five minutes. Such a lovely man!

Angela invited him to lunch with us at Denny's and he regaled us with stories of Barbara and Jane for the whole afternoon. Who knew Jane was such a dust bunny in the sack?!

Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon. Have a great day my little fagolahs!

Love,







(send help)

Andy Williams & Joan Crawford

Hi my little fagolahs! It's ya Aunt Francine babies!

Look what I found! It's ya Aunt Frannie back in 1957, while I was on set for Andy Williams Christmas Special on ABC tv!

Yeah!

Ya Aunt Frannie has such wonderful memories of my brief taste of stardom. Andy Williams discovered me humming a holiday tune while waiting for the L train in Chicago in early december. He said I had marvelous talents and invited me to be on his television show! I know!

What fun I had! Uncle Frank was so jealous of all the attention I received from Jonathon Winters, James Garner and that testy Heddy Lamar. Not many people knew she was a big ol lipstick lesbian who once dated Joan Crawford on the sly in Chi town. That Joan Crawford was a piece of work. She liked to be spanked by every butch dyke on Q street. Oh my she had wonderful children though. So polite.

Anyway, I thought you might enjoy this trip down memory lane. Hope you like the photo!
Love,

Traveling Memories

Hi my little fagolahs! It's ya Aunt Frannie babies!

With all the holiday travel going on, I was reminded of a trip I took years ago, to Muncie Indiana for Carol Channings all girl review.

The year was 1964, and Ms Channing had put together a stellar lineup of beauties from all over the country. As I remember it, a young Estelle Getty, Lena Horne & Edith Pilaf were among the lineup of chorus girls in the cast, and boy did they have a ball putting on a rather risque show!

I had received the tickets gratis from that sweet Gavin Mccloud and his boyfriend Peter Faulkner. They were the sweetest couple, but couldn't go because Peter was auditioning for Colombo.....that's a true story.....yeah.

Anyway, that's me in the kodak photograph wearing my Gloria Vanderbilt leisure suit. My seatmate, a young Bruce Villanch (before the surgery) and I, were toasting our Steward for his wonderful service as we passed over Utah.

We were such mavericks!

By the way, that wonderful Kevin who does The Lisp, has somehow procured a picture from a trip your Aunt Frannie took many years ago. It's a little embarassing, but I don't mind. However my nephew Geoffey will have some serious explaining to do when I chat with tomorrow. If you would like to see the photo, head over to The Lisp and leave that sweet Kevin a comment. A little bird told me he was having a birthday this week! Yeah.

If you're traveling anywhere this Christmas, remember to wear your seatbelt, put your tray in it's upright position, and down a shot to all the lovely mormons! (They can sure party when nobody's looking!)

Bye my little faeries! Muah!

(send help)

Xmas Card 1958

Uncle Frank found this when he was cleaning out an old suitcase this morning and I thought I would share it with you.

If you click on the photograph and look really close you'll notice a rather stunned and confused look on ya Aunt Francine's face. That's because this is not my family. I don't even remember posing for this photograph with Timmy, Charlene, little Billy and Leo.

Apparently I was kidnapped by a Lutheran family and brainwashed for about a year, much like Goldie Hawn in that movie called "Overboard". Luckily my memory returned one day as I was ironing the bible during As The World Turns and I made my escape back to Uncle Frank (who hadn't even realized I was gone).

Someone told me that Leo found another wife and as I understand it, they are very happy spreading God's word in the Australian Outback. (The restaurant, not the country). Her maiden name was Maggie Gallagher. Thanks to Leo I can never eat a bloomin onion again, but I wish Leo, Maggie and his demon children well anyway.

That's all for now babies!

Bye!

(send help)

Christmas Portrait #1

Hi my little fagolahs! It's ya Aunt Frannie Babies!

What a day it has been!

Ya Uncle Frank surprised me at brunch today with this old photograph! I was in the middle of a conversation with Irene McClusky about how wonderful the new Denture Cream is, and Uncle Frank slid this in the middle of the table for everyone to see!

Oh my gawd! Yeah!

This picture was taken back in 1964 and is a Christmas Portrait that Mother forced me to take with my shrew of a younger sister. That's right.....you finally have a picture of my ex sibling Sheri'.

You may notice the uncomfortable look on my face. That's because just before Mother said "cheese", Sheri found out Irene McClusky's brother Bobby had asked me out to the Friar's Christmas Gala instead of her. Bobby had done quite well for himself in the novelty business, selling fake teeth but of course I had no interest in him whatsoever as I was in love with ya Uncle Frank. Of course I told Sheri' I was going to accept Bobby's invitation, thus denying her the joy of attending the party, but that was only because she stole the bottle of vodka I hid in my bedroom. She sulked for days but we had a wonderful time!

Family memories are wonderful aren't they?

I hope you're having a wonderful week getting ready for the big hollyday! Uncle Frank and I are getting ready to play twister in the Shady Pines Retirement Villa Rec Room.

Merry Christmas!

(send help!)

Maureen, Anita & The Pearl Necklace

Hi babeees! It's ya Aunt Frannie!

I was looking for a complete set of gin rummy cards this morning for my weekly game with Ethel, Zada and Clara, and look what I ran across!

It was between my copy of Leaves Of Grass and the bottle of gin leftover from last friday.

I KNOW! Another photograph of ya Aunt Francine! Yeah!

Oh the memories this brings back.

Uncle Frank took this back in march of 1962 while we were discussing the dinner we had just had with Maureen Stapleton and her 'gal pal' Phyllis Schafley.

Oh my we had a good time that night! Maureen and Phyllis were always so much fun when we got together, and they always had the best dish on everybody! I remember they described a run in with that horrible Anita Bryant while trolling one evening at the bar on 5th called the Pearl Necklace.

Apparently Maureen walked in on Miss Florida Orange Juice herself entering a stall in the ladies room with an especially rough looking Dyke from one of the Boroughs in Jersey. Was she nervous! Oh MY we had a good laugh!.....yeah.

Anyway, I thought you might like to see Aunt Franny from way back, when she was the cat's meow. Be good my little fagolahs!

Bye! MUAH!

(send help)

Wheeeeee!

Hi my lil gay babies! It's ya Aunt Frannie!!!!

June Allison emailed me this photo from yesterdays Wii bowling session in the rec room.

Every friday the staff at Shady Pines Retirement Villa corrall us for 'activities', and this week it was playing Wii!

When they first mentioned it we thought they wanted a urine sample, but it turned out it was all fun and games. Not that urine can't be fun, but you know what I mean. I do not judge.

Sam Berg (seated) pouted the entire time because I beat his score. He's really a very sweet man even though he looks grumpy. He was injured on his way to Best Buy while crossing the street and his wrist has never been the same. Yeah..., poor dear.

Anyway my little fagolahs..... I thought you might like to see ya Aunt Francine kickin some senior citizen butt!

Bye!!!
(send help)

Summer Picnic

Hi Babeees! It's ya Aunt Frannie honies!

I wanted to share something I received in the mail today!

Shirley, a second cousin of mine from Custer South Dakota
sent this picture of two lovely ladies ready for a summer pick in ic.

Do you recognize one of them?

That's right! It's ya Aunt Francine! Oh my I had forgotten all about this picture! Yeaaahhhh.

It was taken in June of 1952 during ya Aunt Frannies brief foray into the world of modeling! This was my verrrry first job in front of the camera, and it was for McCalls Summer fashion, pattern # 2576. I just love the prints and the umbrellas! My modeling partner was very young Sharon Stone.....and she was a stone cold you know what too. Yeahhh. She was very snotty. Most tall girls usually are.

Anyway..........

Speaking of "umbrellas" ellas ellas. If that smartmouth Chris Brown had ever started anything with ya Aunt Frannie, he would've found that floral umbrella protruding from one of his lower orafices!

That's all for now babeees! Hope you enjoyed the pic!

(send help)

Love
Aunt Frannie

Happy Thanksgiving From Ya Aunt Frannie

Happy Thanksgivn my little fagolahs! It's ya Aunt Frannie babies!

I hope you are all having the best holiday possible and that whether you spend it with family, friends, or that special love you met on the hardware aisle at Home Depot, you know that you are loved.

Times may be hard this year, but they could always be worse....and I should know. I've lived through two world wars, the great depression and three false pregnancy scares when I was in college, so trust me on this. Yeah.

Uncle Frank is trying to get me to hurry up and get ready. The staff here at Shady Hills Retirement Villa is forcing us to attend their production of "Bye Bye Byrdie"....I think that's code for no turkey dinner.

Send Help!

We love you, have a great holiday! Bye!

Are You Kidding Me?

Lunch today: Fish sticks, fries, ketchup, chocolate milk and an apple.

Are you kidding me?

Half the people here don't have teeth and they give us AN APPLE??????

Uncle Frank got so upset he threw his at the Retirement Home Director. Luckily, Ed (the new guy with Tourettes) had an outburst and they blamed him instead.

I'm using my apple to make a potpourri.

Send help.

(and a gift card to Denny's please)

Giddy, Drunk & Gay

Hi Babees! It's ya Aunt Frannie honeees!

It's a brisk afternoon in Sunny Florida and your Uncle Frank and I have been going through a trunk of keepsakes sent by my ex sister Sherine.

You know your Aunt Frannie doesn't like to talk bad about anybody....except Michigan, so I won't bore you with all the details of why Sherine is my "ex" sibling.

However, it was very nice of her to send along some of the items from Mother's estate sale.

Inside I found a treasure! Yeaaaah!

The above photograph was taken June 23rd, 1957 after an especially scandalous evening out with Hetti Lamar, Bill Winchester, his 'cousin' Irene Malberg and on the far right do you know who that is my little fagolah??

That's right! It's ya Aunt Francine, all dolled up!! Oh my, I look so young don't I?

Hetti, Billy, Irene and your Uncle Frank & I were all having such a good time! We were giddy, drunk and gay. Wait...I don't mean gay like my little homo-lovelys, I mean 'gay' as in we were magically happy....so maybe that is like the 'gay' of today. I don't know. I do wish Uncle Frank could have been in the picture, but someone had to hold the kodak because they didn't have timers in those days. We had just been to the Rialto Movie Theatre in Lansing where we watched the initial screening of Witness For the Prosecution starring Leonard Vole, Marlene Dietrich and the dreamy Tyrone Power! Oh such fun we had!

Well anyway, I hope you enjoyed seeing your Aunt Francine during her younger days, and if my "EX" sister Sherine happens to be reading this blog, I want to thank her for the trunk, and remind her that I was always Mother's favorite!

Bye Babeeesss!!!! MUAH!